Hours
later Gabriel threaded through his in-laws’ living room packed with mourners
and well-wishers. He moved like a wraith, insubstantial, barely grounded to the
floor. He dimly heard the murmured condolences, hardly felt the consoling
touches. A dense, invisible wall had erected around him five days ago. A wall
that didn’t permit compassion or kindness. If he allowed even the tiniest bit
of emotion to filter through, than the grief—the horrible, clawing grief—would
rip pass his defenses and splinter his mind into so many
shards he wouldn’t be able to assemble them together again.
“Would that be so bad?”
a dark, seductive voice whispered.
How
many times in the past week had he pleaded with God to take him too? Let him go
into a sweet sleep and never wake from it? Then he would join Maura and Ian in
eternity; they would be a family once more.
But
each morning he woke, alone and hurting so much he couldn’t comprehend how he
continued to function. How a heart that didn’t exist could still pump blood to
his organs, forcing him to live. And each morning, he hated God a little more.
His very Catholic mother would gasp at that admission and perform the sign of
the cross for her son’s blasphemy.
But
it was true.
“Gabe.” The hoarse cry echoed the depths of
pain buried beneath the layers and layers of ice in his chest. “She’s really
gone. My baby is gone.” Janie O’Keefe, Maura’s mother, lumbered forward, her
gait unsteady and reeling. Before he could guess her intention, she threw herself
against his chest. She enfolded him in her arms and wept, her body shaking with
jagged sobs.
On
reflex, Gabriel clutched her arms, prepared to wrench away. The shock of her
touch and overwhelming display of emotion threatened the protective barrier
around his own feelings. And perversely, a small part of him envied Janie her
freedom to surrender to the pain.
“Come
on, Mrs. O’Keefe.” Chay appeared out of nowhere, his quiet murmur both gentle
and firm. His friend wrapped an arm around her shuddering shoulders and
loosened her desperate hold. With low, soothing words, Chay guided the sobbing
woman toward the brightly lit kitchen. Gabriel remained frozen, aware of the
pitying glances cast between him and Janie.
It
proved too damn much.
***
To read Part 2 click here.
To read Part 1 click here.
Part 4 of The Grave concluded on June 10th...
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