Naima Simone, Author

When I was younger I was a GI Joe fanatic. Every time we played GI Joe on the playground I was Scarlett. My ‘fro turned to a sleek red mane. My tomboyish physique grew about 6 more inches and sported a body suit that made men drool…or at least Eugene Dudley, but that’s another story. The sling shot in my hand became a multi-faceted bow and arrow that could do everything from blow up a tank to roast marshmallows…

So imagine my excitement when the remake of GI Joe came out last summer. I was finally able to see it over Christmas and was blown away—by boredom. I’m sorry! It didn’t live up to the anime cartoons of my youth! But one man kept me sitting through the entire five hour—oh that’s right! It was only two, just felt like five hours—ordeal. Snake Eyes. Whew boy! Now as a young girl I fancied myself in love with Duke but now that I’m a grown woman who appreciates a slick bodysuit that accentuates every muscle on a man’s toned body, Snake Eyes just makes me want to don a turban, grab a flute and charm him right into my bed…err…basket. I meant basket.

He is the epitome of the strong, silent type. As a child, he took an oath of silence when his master was killed by his rival and arch enemy, Storm Shadow. He’s definitely not a commitment-phobe! The man knows how to keep a promise! So besides being a good listener and dependable what else does he have going for him? Let’s see. Phenomenal martial arts skills. I’ll be the first to admit seeing a man kick, punch and slice a sword through the air is an absolute turn on!

Whenever I’ve heard a woman say, “a man’s looks don’t matter”, I snickered. But now I’m a believer. Never—not in the cartoons or in the movie—have I glimpsed Snake Eyes’ face. But it doesn’t matter. Because it’s not just his strength and talent that makes him sexy. He fights for the side of good against the forces of evil. He’s a protector. He’s willing to sacrifice his own safety for that of others.

He’s a hero.

And the air of mystery on a man should never be underestimated.

Neither should a hot body.

While I was disappointed by the GI Joe movie—I guess I’ll have to wait until they remake ThunderCats—I found a new American Hero. Because of your dedication, integrity, strength and great musculature, Snake Eye, you are…Hawtie of the Month!